I started telling you about Shauna in the last post. Since Shauna could not consistently control her thoughts and take mental victory, she was an open target for condemnation. She felt it from herself, from others and from the Evil One. The individuals that were working with her could not seem to understand that encouraging Shauna to try harder to memorize more scripture verses simply was not going to work. And Shauna, looking for a Daddy, continued to try to do it right and earn their approval.
I doubt that these men knew, or understand today, that they were not being safe people for Shauna. Though in her thirties, she was like a little girl and was unable to distance herself from the strong guidance of these men. What they were saying was quite correct for many people, but at that time not godly counsel for Shauna. Their counselling technique was merely confirming to Shauna that, no matter how hard she tried, nothing was going to change.
Wounded people who come to us are generally unable to set safe boundaries for themselves. Therefore, it is mandatory that we be safe people for them. Being a safe person is not about knowing the latest Christian counselling technique. Ultimately, it is about who we are inside. It is imperative that we become safe people so that others would know that the Jesus we talk about is someone whom they can trust. We are the only “Jesus” they may see.
The lack of emotional, spiritual and physical safety in many people’s life experience leads to a deep confusion and desperation. Intuitively, people who have been abused know that what happened to them was not right. However, most often the abuse came through someone who was supposed to be a safe person, such as a parent, coach or relative. This confusion over who is safe and who isn’t leads to bewilderment, rage and fear.